ma

ive never realized how much i talk to my mom until she left. like an hour later after keith and i took them to the laughlins apt i wanted to text her something random. like 'do you want to come watch charlie and the chocolate factory with me' or something like 'what are you doing? im sitting in the car with keith and we're chit chatting, yes mom im actually talking' i would literally text my mom all day telling her random stuff i would be doing, or complain cause some wench would say something rude to me, or i would over hear a conversation and be like omg! thats awful!! and now that she has moved away and our texting cant continue and....well lets just say im a little lost. and yes i know i have my sister and brother here but its not the same. and we have good family friends here, but im a REALLY private person. i cant just tell you how im doing. even if im having a bad day i will tell you im fine cause i dont want to bug you. but with all that said i had my first talk with my mom today on facebook chat. i HATE facebook chat (unless it is with my cousin) and when i do use chat with my friends all we say is yo - yo -yo and then we start texting in real life. i cried a little bit when we were chatting. but i didnt want to like cry cry cause im at the garrisons and well...im a private person. but i took a shower and started to cry and quickly gathered myself together and was like 'self you shouldnt cry she is not dead' but it didnt last and i continued to cry. and as i started to write this post i got tears in my eyes, but couldnt cry in front of people. (joni and keith, i should just cry in front of them but i cant) i wanted to cry this past tuesday at 1822 when devin asked me some simple question about my parents but i didnt. i just looked down and mumbled something and i think she got the clue i didnt want to talk about it. i hate crying and i really miss talking to my mom. i didnt think this was going to be this hard. i can only imagine what my sister is going through cause they chit chat a lot!